I knew since middle school
that something was off,
but I didn’t have the words to understand it
I didn’t think that it could be me,
I knew that I could never come out.
I knew there was no way that I would ever say a word about it,
Not even a hint.
I just knew that I would lose my family and
if I ever said anything about it.
I never thought I could live through that.
I had just moved with my fiancée,
I was suicidal from the guilt of who I was.
I had forced myself to believe I wasn’t trans,
It was why I was suicidal.
But, I fell in love with my work,
it saved my life.
I felt like I was finally at a place
that was making
a real difference
in the world.
And, it gave me a reason
began to save