I knew since middle school

that something was off,

but I didn’t have the words to understand it

until college.


I didn’t think that it could be me,


I knew that I could never come out.



I knew there was no way that I would ever say a word about it,

question it.


Not even a hint.


I just knew that I would lose my family and


if I ever said anything about it.


I never thought I could live through that.


I had just moved with my fiancée,


I was suicidal from the guilt of who I was.


I had forced myself to believe I wasn’t trans,

a freak.


It was why I was suicidal.


But, I fell in love with my work,


it saved my life.


I felt like I was finally at a place

that was making

a real difference

in the world.

And, it gave me a reason

to live.



that reason

began to save




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